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Quotes on Funny

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
- Erma Bombeck
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
- Marilyn vos Savant
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
- Emo Philips
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen
I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.
- Stephen King
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.
- Steven Wright